Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in mr_ducky's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, December 18th, 2007
12:29 am	How long?? Good God how long has it been?? I have said before I procrastinate but wow...feb17th??? How's life Ducky???? Well I tell you its been something of a ride lately. The brother Duck has been his same ol same ol really. I sometimes think thats why I don't keep up with journals. I just don't think the day to day is really that interesting for others to read about. Damn but the years gone quick. I remember a vacation to the mountains in there somewhere and me playing the part of the rockhound. A few nice holidays and my mom and my boys coming to visit at other times... After some time I finally decided to start taking time to do some hobby stuff again and started working in my shed. Wood working and crafting and such... I REALLY need to take more time for me and center myself in the "work" I enjoy. I need to remember to see if there are any "woodworking" or "rockhounding" groups in LJ. I'll try to stop by from time to time and see if I can't keep up with this better. I hope...LOL Current Mood: calm (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 17th, 2007
10:27 pm	Life Creeps along but I"m enjoying it anyways Procrastination.... I'm Full of it!! LOL!!! It's been quite some time since I actually sat down and put thought to text. I've said it before that I don't always keep up up with journals of any kind. I've tried since I was a kid to keep a journal and I always seem to end up slacking on them. So whats been going on? Well I guess that I don't think that anything interesting enough, or life changing enough, has happened recently to really be worth writing about. Nor have I had any real epiphany's worth writing down. (As if what I call thought is worth much to anyone else but me anyways..LOL) So whats got me thinking tonight?? I've noticed lately that quite a few people have chanced my path in the past few months that make me look at my life and say "I've got it good compared to some". My life story is not something I really want to try to type out right now but I will set a few examples down. Most of my friends know that I had a nasty divorce that still has its repercussions even now but I look at that choice and think that it was for the best. (At least as far as I go personally) But I still have times when I lament my misfortunes and think that "I've had it bad". I have a Very good friend who's divorce took almost three years compared to my measly eight months and who's ex is still causing some problems even after the papers have been signed. Then I met someone a few months back who was having problems in her marriage and was contemplating doing the big "D". I had a pretty easy time compared to her. She's lived in her relationship a lot longer than I was married to my Ex and has even left at one point and then went back when she thought the relationship could be worked out and things just ended up back where they were. She's got quite a few more kids than I had and they are starting to be affected by the way that she and her husband act. (the boys thinking that that is how women should be treated and the girls thinking that either they will be treated that way by men or thinking that life in a relationship isn't worth much.) I'm just glad that my kids see how I act and think that "sure this is bad but we don't have to be scarred by it". My friends life has started looking up as she has found a Great job that she enjoys so her work place isn't as stressful to her and she finds that its a good way to de-stress from her life at home. She's not fully happy with life but she gets by. Then I met this other lady who has a 5 year old son and come to find out that her husband passed away while she was pregnant. To have lost her soulmate is bad enough but to have lost him while she was undergoing the rigors of childbirth.... (shudder) I guess what I'm saying is that I'm feeling Very Lucky right now. I've got a wonderful partner in my relationship. I'm happy with who I am. I could be doing much worse as far as my job goes. I've got quite a few Good friends who make my existence alot more enjoyable. And life in general could be MUCH worse for me... ... ... Knock on wood....LOL!! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 8th, 2006
9:28 pm	I've hurt a friend... I've hurt a friends feelings by being inconsiderate.... This totally sucks and I hate myself for it. I PRIDE myself on being a good person and a good friend. Sometimes I get a real Kick in the Ass when I show myself that I'm not as good as I profess. And the thing is, this person is right. I hope that in "Confessing" to where others will read it, this friend will feel some solace knowing that I'm Going to say it "out loud" to where others can read it. To know that I Screwed up. Ok, its my birthday... and my wife gave me a surprise birthday party... But as it goes I ended up getting off of work early so my wife had to reschedule things. Due to Bad/stupid thinking we didn't get in touch with this friend. Now my friends feelings are hurt and I Can't do anything about it to make it up... I'm an ass, I admit it... I'm humbly apologizing And I'm sitting here, my fingers on the keys and all of this just sounds like inane patter... My friend believe me when I say that it was not intentional... I/we value your friendship... Derrick Current Mood: sad (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 4th, 2006
9:59 pm	Who in thier right mind leaves DragonCon Early?? Ok my friends, for those of you who read this, I honestly wasn't going to do this but after having listened to some music tonight I suddenly feel like putting fingers to keys and writing down some text... Last sunday my dad Died.... .... Thats it?? I wasn't prepared for it... He'd always been there. Hell I can't even say that we were the closest father and son in the world.... He was from an old school of thought that we see alot in the generation before us. Men are tough and don't share their feelings. My dad screwed up his life when I was born by Drinking and Driving (Actually drag racing) and the accident he had left him somewhat crippled. Slow and uncordinated, tunnel vision so he could no longer drive the cars he so loved. (he loved working on cars that much I knew but I learned in later years that he was also quite an artist drawing complex, wonderful pictures of cars and trucks and motorcycles.) And he didn't get to hold me or develop much of an attachment like he could have. My mom raised me in my baby years and I am deffinitely a "momma's" boy. I'm more like her than my dad.... Shame that...( I even developed a small talent for drawing...) So we didn't get close... He didn't have conversations with me until Long after I had grown up. He'd tell me what to do but nothing like ever asking about how was my day or what my opinion was on anything back then. It was how life was so I didn't think much of it.... Till I grew up.... And I had kids of my own and I tried to be alot better father... I made it a point to make sure my own sons knew that Daddy cared... I'm a better man for it I think. And the tears flow... and the throat is tight......... And I got PISSED as hell by someone who asked me "Whats the big deal??" It's not like you were close to your dad..." I Loved my father.... I wanted that wonderful dad that I could have had... But I didn't know that man ...and I made do with what was available and I loved that man all the same.... I hope he knows that... DO YOU HEAR ME DAD?? I LOVE YOU!! Then one day I was told that my dad had colon cancer. And he had to go through Chemo... I've had a friend or two who's survived cancer. I figured he'd be pissy as hell and angry that he was feeling weak but I knew he'd be fine... And after a while he WAS doing better. He even quit drinking and I was Proud of that Old Man for kicking the habit that nearly killed him. Then I got a call from mom and she told me that dad was getting sicker and more spots were showing up in his lungs and in other places.... So here vacation was coming up. My regular visit to DragonCon that I haven't missed in 4 years. Ok, I told myself since we'd be close to where he lived during Con that I'd make a visit once Con was done....... ........ Then the sunday before Con I got a call from mom... Can you come home?? Your father has passed away.... ... ... Home is a 5 hour drive... we packed our things and headed home..... We decided to go ahead and pack for the Con... My wife Said that I would Need it... And I still wanted to go... I agreed with her that I'd need the distraction after the Funeral. We helped my mom plan the funeral... it took 3 days... And even though I was told my place was with my mother and my sister and all... I took a place as a pall bearer.... My right to take one last walk with my father. To honor the man who brought me into this world .... Then I went to Con... and well... to be honest it was hard. I had some Great friends and a wonderful wife to keep me company. And I thank them for all they did. I really did need them and they helped MORE than they know.... But the enthusiasm for the Con just wasn't there. The normal love of costuming and all that Con has to offer just couldn't overcome my Week of sleepless nights... So I asked my friends to do me the favor of understanding my need to leave the Con. To go home. ... And here I sit.. The healing has begun. Everything will be alright... ..... I miss you Dad... Thank You for allowing me the chance to live in this world... Current Mood: sad (2 Comments |Comment on this)
9:40 pm	Healing power of music...part 2 or whatever Ok, the first time I did this I posted some lyrics for a friend I thought needed some help...This time it's for me "I Miss You" by Blink_182 (not exactly what I was thinking of but the chorus made sense) (I miss you, I miss you) Hello there, the angel from my nightmare The shadow in the background of the morgue The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley We can live like Jack and Sally if we want Where you can always find me We'll have Halloween on Christmas And in the night we'll wish this never ends We'll wish this never ends (I miss you, I miss you) (I miss you, I miss you) Where are you and I'm so sorry I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight I need somebody and always This sick strange darkness Comes creeping on so haunting every time And as I stared I counted Webs from all the spiders Catching things and eating their insides Like indecision to call you and hear your voice of treason Will you come home and stop this pain tonight Stop this pain tonight Don't waste your time on me you're already The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you) Don't waste your time on me you're already The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you) [x3] (I miss you, I miss you) [x4] "Mercy Me" by Alkaline Trio It's been a long day living with this It's been a long time since I felt so sick I took a long walk straight back home I could've walked back to San Francisco I used to long for time alone I used to long for a place of my own now I'm losing faith in everything I'm lost, so lost, i'm lost at sea, you'll see I used to long for broken bones I used to long for a casket to call my own I never had a problem facing fear but I'm done, over and out my dear and Oh mercy me God bless catastrophe There's no way in hell We'll ever live to see through this so Drive yourself insane tonight It's not that far away and I just filled up your tank earlier today (Yeah!) It's been a long day living with this It's been a long time since I felt so sick I took a long walk straight back home I could've walked back to Chicago I used to long for time alone I used to long for a place of my own and I've lost faith in everything I'm lost, so lost, I'm lost without you Oh mercy me God bless catastrophe There's no way in hell We'll ever live to see through this so Drive yourself insane tonight It's not that far away and I just filled up your tank earlier today (Yeah!) So drive yourself insane tonight It's not that far away and I just filled up your tank earlier today (Yeah!) "Everything Is Alright" by Motion City Soundtrack Tell me that you're alright, Yeah everything is alright. Oh please tell me that you're alright, Yeah everything is alright. Give me a reason to end this discussion, To break with tradition. To fold and divide. Cause I hate the ocean, theme parks and airplanes, Talking with strangers, waiting in line.. I'm through with these pills that make me sit still. "Are you feeling fine?" Yes, I feel just fine. Tell me that you're alright, Yeah everything is alright. Oh please tell me that you're alright, Yeah everything is alright. I'm sick of the things I do when I'm nervous Like cleaning the oven or checking my tires Or counting the number of tiles in the ceiling.. Head for the hills, the kitchen's on fire! I used to rely on self-medication, I guess I still do that from time to time. But I'm getting better at fighting the future, "Someday you'll be fine.." Yes, I'll be just fine. Tell me that you're alright, Yeah everything is alright. Oh please tell me that you're alright, Yeah everything is alright. Give me a reason (I don't believe a word) To end this discussion (of anything I've heard) To break with tradition (they tell me that it's not so hard) To fold and divide (it's not so hard) So let's not get carried (away with everything) Away with the process (from here to in-between) of elimination (the long goodbye) I don't want to waste your time. Tell me that you're alright, Yeah everything is alright. Oh please tell me that you're alright, Yeah everything is alright. (Alright) Tell me that you're alright, (Hi, everything's great) Yeah everything is alright. (Everything's fine) Oh please tell me that you're alright, (Hi, everything's great) Yeah everything is alright. (Everything's fine) [x4] Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 26th, 2006
8:47 pm	What video Game character am I?? I am Mario. I like to jump around, and would lead a fairly serene and aimless existence if it weren't for my friends always getting into trouble. I love to help out, even when it puts me at risk. I seem to make friends with people who just can't stay out of trouble. What Video Game Character Are You? Current Mood: chipper (Comment on this)
Friday, August 4th, 2006
12:59 pm	Lazy Ok, I admit it. I'm lazy. It's been a really long time since I posted anything. I get busy, I put things off, and I can be generally just to damn lazy at times to really keep up with some things. I've always been bad at keeping a journal of any kind. Sorry my friends..I'll try to do better. :) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 13th, 2006
12:12 pm	A much needed Book Quote "Memories are the only real treasures a man has" - Spider Robinson Current Mood: thoughtful (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 10th, 2006
7:27 pm	The Testicular Fortitude Test Iron You scored 23 malleability, 21 ductility, and 28 melting point! BALLS OF IRON!!! YOU ROCK!!!! My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 37% on malleability You scored higher than 31% on ductility You scored higher than 12% on melting point Link: The Testicular Fortitude Test written by instantkorma on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 4th, 2006
9:11 pm	On Beer and Chainmail... A day of reflection and a Day of rest. One should enjoy the times when its non-specific as to what the day has planned. "I'm taking a break today" is what I told myself when I woke up. I tried to tell myself that I had chores that needed to be completed but I didn't yell at myself to hard when I only half-heartedly worked on them. Instead I worked on one of my more "therapuetic" hobbies of making myself a chainmal shirt. I've worked on it on and off for the last year and though at times I set it aside for months its still there to keep the hands busy and let my mind wander. I've always liked the Medieval histories and myths and stories. And what better way to indulge a fantasy or two of timetravel and living in those days than making something like this from scratch. Where does the Beer come in?? :) Well lets just say that as the night wanders on and gentle rain drips off the leaves that the warming sensation it brings lends to a glowy fuzzy mindset as my fingers work nimbly away.... A day off can be fun.... Current Mood: mellow (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 27th, 2006
9:52 pm	P.S.... if anyone wants me, I'll be on the porch... With my headphones on.... ;) .... And the light turned off...ROFL!! Current Mood: chipper (Comment on this)
8:15 pm	Who Wants to know?? It's been an "introspective" kind of day... To begin with theres no better way of getting me to travel around my own head than working myself to near exhaustion. As is these past many days of getting to sleep at about 12 or 1 am and then getting up at 4am to head to work has Run me down to the rock bottom. I have got to find a way to get some more sleep...LOL Well so here I am and funny little things keep going through my head. Little ideas that run past me and Yell BOO at the top of their lungs as they speed by keep letting me know that I have gone through and experienced quite a bit in my life. I start getting the feeling that I'm not really that much of a person then suddenly the ego kicks in and I'm the Best at what I am... I swear folks I'm not Bi-polar or anything. I just get sudden spurts of confidence at times. I think my Gaurdian Angel is in need of a vacation...LOL But hanging onto those thoughts... that can be the problem...lol Well a friend and I were chatting last night and it made me think of something else.. Quite a few people have asked me about me. Ok, yes that sounds a bit funny but I don't always tell people that much about myself since I tend to let my actions speak for me. (They talk pretty loud especially after a few drinks.) And the other half of the time when someone asks me to tell them some deep inner truth I suddenly go blank.. Not from lack of having something to say... From having to MUCH to say. And Not knowing where to start. So where do I start?? Well lets just toss off some random things off the top of my head.... Why do I LJ? Honestly, like some others I mainly do it for myself. Throwing down words of the moment and putting ideas to "paper". I used to keep a real journal but I was BAD at it and would forget to do it after a while. Or the fact that after a long day at work my hands are just damn tired...lol I don't really tell anything important except what is in my head. Though sometimes I will admit that I sometimes write something, possibly aimed at a particular friend, to help someone else read something that might help with a problem. Thats about as "deep" or meaningful as I'll ever really get. I like to do something good when it counts. Otherwise I'm just me. If some of you think that I'm something of worth then I'll Say Thank you and I'll hopefully be able to repay you for the kind thougts :) What's one thing I really like about myself? (something other than what I've told my friends) I Like being funny... I LOVE to make my friends laugh. I'll do just about anything to get them to smile. But a True Belly laugh is worth more than money to me. Whats something I dislike about me. (again something I haven't told) I hate being stupid... I know I'm not dumb by any means, but I hate to catch myself acting/being that way. And sometimes it seems that all I can do is Screw up... I HATE that with a passion. I think thats one of the reasons people will here me say that I'm always trying so hard to be good at something or thank them for something they've done for me. Whats my Real "kyrptonite"? A woman in distress. I'll do just about anything for a woman thats either hurting or in trouble. (not just any one mind you but just about) I don't always think a situation through I just say, "Ok, what can I do to help?" I've been manipulated into some pretty stupid things by a pair of tearful eyes. It doesn't stop me from trying though. I've just found some unscrupulous ladies over the years who have taken advantage of me Whats my secret/guilty pleasure? Ok, if I said being a Voyeur would anyone be surprised?? LOL Ok for those of you who know me then get your heads up out of the gutter for a moment and listen to me when I say that its not just about Sex...LOL! I'm a people watcher... Of course some of you know that. :) My Really secret pleasure? Loud, Well played, music. Concerts, dance clubs, bar scenes...You name it if its got loud music I like it. I want to feel my music at times... My Secret embarressment? I dance and sing in the mirror and just about any where else when I've got my headphones on... I can't help it..I get theatrical... Like when I'm drunk I"m told LOL!! My Biggest Phyical Fear? Heights... Go figure though...I tamed it down years ago with a great big HEALTHY dose of Roller coasters, repelling, and rock climbing.. I still feel it but its not crippling any more. Pick a word, or phrase, to describe your personallity. "Jack of all Trades and a master of none" Anyone care to answer the same Q's in the comments?? ..................................... Man where did this thread go????????? LOL!! Thats just what happens when you let a Mad Duck Ramble.... ... Or should that be Waddle??? :D Have a good night my friends... Current Mood: relaxed (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
8:37 pm	Working to hard? Well the day is done and I feel like I got alot accomplished during the inventory Crap. Kicked its ass is how I feel but it almost kicked mine back... with a vengence...LOL!! Ok, so the boss likes the job you did and takes you out for a Tall beer after... When its been quite a few hours since lunch... Well that was Fun :) Then come home to the Damn dogs digging another hole under the fence... Arghhhhh Anyone Want some mongrels who are good at excavation?? Ahh well... Back to the pits... (Comment on this)
Monday, April 24th, 2006
11:27 pm	Dirty Working Boy Work was ROUGH tonight... Why? Because we're going through Inventory and I'm in HELL mode!! Busting my ass like there's no tomorrow because the Bosses depend on me to be the best... And I am at my Place... I've been there the longest and I know my stuff. I'll never claim to be the expert that everyone says I am because I'm always learning something new but otherwise Eat My Dust!! Everyone, clear the Damn path!!! Ok, I"m dirty, nasty, tired and in need of a Very Hot shower... And I have to be up in 4 hours to handle the second day of Inventory!! ARGHHHHHHHHHH, Look out Bastards!! Here comes the Dirty Working Boy!!! Current Mood: determined (2 Comments |Comment on this)
11:25 pm	What color wolf are you You scored as Silver. You are a Silver Were. Silver Weres are the spice in the Garou, the strange and unexpected, often rare creatures. The irony of being Silver, even if the metal doesn't harm Weres like it was beleived, brings joy to the Silver Ones to no end. They are fascinated by the paranormal happenings around them, including themselves! </td> Silver 81% Red 76% White 72% Gold 71% Brown 62% Grey 55% Black 45% What Color Werewolf Are You?? created with QuizFarm.com (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 23rd, 2006
11:25 pm	Song of the day Music... I'm a big believer in the "healing power" of music. It can shape your life and it can influence at times... Not much else to say but I've listened to my MP3 player and this one song is in my mind so I'll post the lyrics... The Middle Written by by Jimmy Eat World Hey, don't write yourself off yet It's only in your head You feel left out or looked down on Just try your best, try everything you can And don't you worry what they tell themselves When you're away It just takes some time, little girl You're in the middle of the ride Everything, everything will be just fine Everything, everything will be all right, all right Hey, you know they're all the same You know you're doing better on your own So don't buy in, live right now Yeah, just be yourself It doesn't matter if that's good enough for someone else It just takes some time, little girl You're in the middle of the ride Everything, everything will be just fine Everything, everything will be all right, all right It just takes some time, little girl You're in the middle of the ride Everything, everything will be just fine Everything, everything will be all right, all right Hey, don't write yourself off yet It's only in your head You feel left out or looked down on Just do your best, do everything you can And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say It just takes some time, little girl You're in the middle of the ride Everything, everything will be just fine Everything, everything will be all right, all right It just takes some time, little girl You're in the middle of the ride Everything, everything will be just fine Everything, everything will be all right, all right Current Mood: relaxed (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 22nd, 2006
9:02 pm	The night Well there's a slight haze to the air tonight. Not exactly a fog but a moisture that has lingered from todays rain... Its cool and you can feel it on your skin.... soooo nice to feel... I miss my friends but I've had a chance to play "padded shoulder" a few times and I'm thankful for the chance. I'd rather be there in person but if I have to "read" and IM then thats what I will do. Hugs are excellent ways of showing someone you care.... Beer gives me a hazyness right now that matches the Night outside.... I feel like I need to run with it, experience it.... The night is in my veins and I sing with its peace.... (Wow, where did that come from?????) Current Mood: thankful (1 Comment |Comment on this)
1:07 am	Random thoughts The beer tastes good but its no where Near as good as talking with friends tonight...LOL! But it'll have to do. I so would rather share thier time and see them in person. I'm a people person. I would MUCH rather cuddle up on the couch with them and just talk.. I'm addicted to human contact at times. Holding hands with a woman or just giving a massage :) Hell just casual contact, feet touching, leg, hip as I'm sitting next to them... I'm greedy for it LOL!! more later... (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 20th, 2006
11:21 pm	Whats in a day for the second go around Well the night hour is late and I'm beginning to fade like a candle in a breeze but I thought I'd like to squeeze out a few more lines before I get a few hours of sleep and make another EARLY damn go of it in the morning... A quote I like is "You can measure a mans wealth by how many friends he has" and right now I feel pretty damn rich. I woke up with two of my good friends, via IM, and that started my day off at a VERY good pace. Nothing finer than to be enriched with the good vibes that friends can share... Then a third friend made a showing, then shared a wonderful dinner with another good friend and then found another friend, whom I hadn't seen in a week and I was beginning to think that something was wrong and it turned out that things were just fine. Now I'm seeing where another friend may be having a bad night and so I"m a little worried. I have this deep seated need to help when I can and sometimes thats just not possible. (Especially with online friends) Distance and timing can play havoc with such things. My friend if you read this and if you want to talk, please feel free. If I'm misreading something then thats ok too. I'm one of the first that admit to a mistake and I make them to often to count....LOL!! In my early life I found that Good friends were special. Now that I'm older I found that they are the most important things that I can have. From my Wife, who is my BEST FRIEND, to the friends I made just in the past week. Sleep well my friends, best wishes for a better beginning in the morning :) Current Mood: sleepy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
6:13 pm	Whats in a Day?? Well when you get up fairly early on a day that your supposed to have off you tend to think that maybe, just maybe You'll get some rest. :D Oh how life can make you think different. Not that its been a bad day but it has been fairly busy. Had a wonderful morning chat with a Russian "penpal" of mine, who hails from Moscow, over my morning Coffee. (Say hello little Svetlochok...aka "little firefly") Had a surprise visit from another friend whom I hadn't seen face to face in about year and I'm glad I did. Some people just have a laugh that is infectious. And when this man with his Deep baritone voice laughs you feel it :D Then took Mrs. Ducky to a nice lunch the borrowed a friends garage and watch/assisted Mrs. Ducky while she changed the brakes on her car and detailed it a bit. As is I haven't even made it home to my own computer yet...LOL But I think My Karma is running on a Good streak about now. (knock on wood) More to say later.... Someone remind me to post on frolicon saying how much fun I had!! :D (Comment on this)